Here we see Ghastly in his native environment, infront of a drawing table drawing shit. The Ghastly's Ghastly Comic Guide On: How To Spot Ghastly In A Crowd Version 2.0 02/10/2006 This is a practical guide for the novice and intermediate stalker on how to spot Ghastly at crowded events such as Anime and Comics conventions. It will cover how to spot and how to safely approach Ghastly for maximum effect. Techniques offered in this guide may or may not be applicable to stalking other webcomic artists. When trying to spot Ghastly in a crowd there are some things which need to be kept in mind to enhance your chances of success. I am a pretty big fellow, standing almost 6'2" and weighing approximately 175lbs. I used to be a much bigger fellow weighing on average 245lbs but due to crippling osteoarthritis I was forced to drastically reduce my size from "CFL Football player" physique to "wirey ninja" physique. In fact, so svelt and ninja-like is my physique that I was offered and accepted an invitation to join The Canadian League Of Ninjas. Even with my reduced size I still remain, to this day, much larger than your typical Japanese schoolgirl. If you go to the convention and you see a Japanese schoolgirl it is a safe bet that it is not me. I have very rarely ever been confused with being a Japanese schoolgirl. Even if I were to wear Sailor Fuku it is highly unlikely that you would confuse me with a Japanese schoolgirl. I'm just that big... and occidental looking. Here is Ghastly in his official Canadian Ninja headgear. Canadian Ninjas can steal your beer three times before you can take a drink. Ghastly's Natural Habbitat Ghastly enjoys the internet for it's rich tradition of exchanging knowledge, art, and hardcore lesbian porn. Residents of Hamilton can often spot me at one of the many Tim Hortons doughnut shops that dot the landscape of this city. It is a local bi-law that no citizen must ever be further than 25 metres from a doughnut at any time which is why Tim Hortons are everwhere in Hamilton. Most mornings I'm there enjoying my XL black coffee and Old Fashion Plain doughnut (which I dunk in said coffee) with my art shit out on the table drawing stuff. Most of the pencils for my comic series Apophenia 357 were drawn while sitting at a Tim Hortons. Apart from Tim Hortons I can be found frequently either on the internet or on a stage at a local bar playing either accordion or keyboards. Ghastly's other natural environment is on stage performing. This is because Ghastly is a great big ATTENTION WHORE! You Must Show Ghastly Your Panties Ghastly prepairs to open a can of Super Hentai Ass Whoop on some evil doer. Although I have never been mistaken for a Japanese schoolgirl I do, on occaission, have people comment that I look like someone else. Most commonly I am told that I look an awful lot like Clark Kent. Even though I may look like Clark Kent I think it is important that I point out to everyone that I am not a superhero. I was born on the planet Earth, north of Ottawa in a city called Pembroke here in Ontario, Canada. I do not possess super human strength although I am pretty strong none the less. I am also completely incapable of flight without the aid of some form of servicable aircraft and a skilled pilot. Most importantly I want it to be known that I do not have X-Ray vision. It is a must that female readers of my comic understand this because if you wish me to see your panties, bra, breasts, etc. you will have to actively show them to me. I will not be able to see them through your garments. I tried buying a pair of X-ray specs at a novelty amusement store but I think mine were defective as all they did was make my vision red and blurry. So once again, if you wish to show me your panties you'll have to expose them to me yourself. I'm glad we could clear up this common misconception. The Wonderful Fantastic Gimp Stick I've been told that I sometimes look like I'm a little annoyed or generally ticked off. This is seldom the case as I am a rather happy-go-lucky fellow. The thing is, I suffer from osteoarthritis. When it flares up, mostly in my feet and hips but also in my hands, wrists, shoulders, knees and sometimes elbows, walking, or in particular standing, causes me a considerable amount of pain. Standing is definetly the worst part of it. So if you see me looking kind of pissed off please don't let that scare you away from approaching me and saying "hi". I am a very extroverted and easy going person and enjoy meeting new people, particularily internet friends... you know... as long as you're not the creepy stalker type who will boil a bunny in a pot of water on my stove... unless you're making me rabbit curry, I love rabbit curry. If I am pissed off it's usually never very serious and my anger is quick to fade. When angered you will hear me exclaim "Son of a diddly!" in a bold and forceful voice. This usually indicates a minor and fleeting irritation. Being a parent (and a surprising conservative one at that) I've trained myself to refrain from strong language in most situations. "Son of a diddly!" is my explative of choice. Sometimes a situation will just require something stronger than a "Son of a diddly!". When that is the case I will often let fly with a "Son of a ding-dong-diddly-doo!". When you hear that then you know I have found something to be particularily irksome. Very rarely you will hear me bellow "Jesus, Joseph, Fuckin-Mary, Chriiiiiiiiiiiiist!". When you hear that then you know I am vomiting. I hate vomiting with a passion. When I vomit I tend to get very religious with my profanity. Although I try my best to watch my language when I'm around my kids when I'm puking my guts out all bets are off and my wife will quickly usher the kids out of earshot. If you happen to see me in a crowd and I'm puking my guts out then it really would be a good idea to avoid me. Not only might I be contagious, and nobody enjoys being infected by a hentai webcomic artist, but I am generally a very unsociable person while puking. I'm just not much fun at all when I'm rewinding my supper. Hopefully you'll never hear more than a "Jeeze Louise" out of me. "Jeeze Louise" is another of my non-swearing explatives. It usually indicates surprise, but sometimes is a demonstration of minor irritation. In any case don't let the expression on my face make you think I'm pissed off. I'm probably just experiencing horrible pain in my feet and hip. To this end I walk with my handy-dandy Gimp Stick. Although my collection of Gimp Sticks is many and varied my Gimp Stick of choice is a hand-carved one that I made myself. It is long, hard, and quite sturdy as it needs to support my frame and occaisionally is called upon to beat hobos to death who might otherwise steal my shoes or attempt to sodomize me. Don't get me wrong, I am a fan and friend of sodomy. I just prefer sodomy when I am the sodomizer and not the sodomizee and when my partner in sodomy is a member of the opposite sex. Although my Gimp Stick isn't neccessary for ambulatory functions it does make the endeavour for more enjoyable and pain free. Ambulatory funtions do not really play much of a role in sodomy activities and neither does my Gimp Stick. But hey, get 8 pints into me and who knows what will happen. Apart from my Gimp Stick I can be easily recognized by the laptop bag I often wear when I am outside the house. I like to carry lots of junk with me, far too much junk to fit into my pockets. The laptop bag comes in handy. Even though it is a laptop bag it contains no laptop computer. Inside I keep a collection of items one might need if suddenly stranded on an island provided the island had a nice restraunt, hotel, and boutique on it. It'd need to buy sunscreen too because I don't keep any in my laptop bag. Being a Canadian of Irish heritage I can get a sunburn just by looking at a picture of the sun. My flesh is almost always a pale, white, pasty colour. Not as bad as my friend Allen, mind you. Now that dude is white. Still I always have to wear SPF40 sunscreen whenever I go out. Actually the laptop bag mostly contains art supplies so I can draw shit on a moment's notice. So there you have it. To recap: big guy who doesn't look like a schoolgirl; freakishly large head; nerdy glasses; pale skin; swears like a dork; carrys a laptop bag full of art stuff; walks with a Gimp Stick. Now you too can enjoy many hours of Ghastly-spotting at your local geek events... provided your local geek events are local to the Hamilton, Ontario region. However, it is important to remember that should you spot a Ghastly in the wild you should not shoot him with a tranquilizer dart, tag his ear, and fit him with a radio transmitter collar. Last time that happened I woke up without my shoes and smelling of sodomy. Instead, just come up and say "hi". Ghastly yells at some kids to get the hell off of his lawn. The ever famous Ghastly Gimp Stick. Suitable for beating the crap out of crackheads. Ghastly hates vomiting with a passion and will often swear violently when chucking his cookies. As you can see in this photo of Ghastly with the flu, he is not a cheerful fellow when he's sick. While sick Ghastly likes to wear a ratty old baby blue house coat. Do not approach Ghastly if he's sick, he is not a pleasent fellow. But when he's healthy Ghastly is a very friendly, approachable fellow who enjoys chatting with people as he is extremely extorverted (ie. attention whore).